1. a certain relative to me, in my home, as i'm wrapping up the Thanksgiving day cooking: "My, you must be a busy woman! You know.... If you can't find the time to tidy up a bit, maybe you should consider having someone come in every once in a while.. Just to get all the dust bunnies and what not."

(everyone has a relative like this. One that will make little or no effort to disguise a hurtful criticism as a helpful suggestion.)

2. a drunk customer to a pretty bartender, at a local watering hole: " Hey, nice tits! I've got 50 bucks for ya if you'll pull down that tank top and let me have a look-see!"

3. same drunk customer to same bartender, later in the evening:( i SWEAR he said this, after harrassing the woman most of the night, and getting NO response from her) " Come on, ya filthy whore! Why're you wearin that little number if you don't want to show them things off!?! 'Snot like you're not givin' it to every high tipper in the place anyway!"

(at this point, a LARGE and ANGRY bouncer, who'd stationed himself close by, jerked the guy off his stool and "bounced" him right out the door. this guy gave laounge lizards everywhere a bad name)

4. (oddly enough, at the same bar on a different night) man o woman, sitting in a large group: " Damn, Abby! If you can't add anything intelligent to the conversation, just sit there with your mouth shut!"

5. teenage boy to (i think) his slightly overweight girlfriend, outside of the dressing rooms at Old Navy: " Don't buy the jeans with the small pockets. They make your ass look even bigger."


(CONT'D)